You Are What You Eat- Horribly Depressing?

Let me begin with the basics, I guess. I have an autoimmune condition, that beautifully graced me with a paralyzed stomach in recent years. I’ve had to bid farewell to my delicious diet before, back in 2021 when I first got really sick...But man, does it suck way worse the second time around. Other than that, this is the only other horrible flare. 20 pounds down in one month is the dream of a lot of people- me included- but not like this. The gym is one thing, but starvation? I mean, be a little bit more creative! That’s just downright boring. Sorry, cynical humor has helped me cope. I’m on the, “why bother eating?” Diet: no fat, no dairy, no gluten, no vegetables, no fat, no fiber, no raw fruit, no grease, no sugar, no spice. I mean… that isn’t even all of it. I don’t recognize this person- the person who eats to live….I live to eat!! Or at least I used to. It’s like a weird confusing dream that I can’t seem to snap myself out of. “What do you mean I can’t have a Crunchwrap from Taco Bell??”

Have you ever seen the Debbie Downer DisneyWorld sketch from SNL? That has been my life recently. In the bit, a family is At DisneyWorld, and every time they share a happy memory from the day, Debbie has to chime in with something to damper the mood. This is unironically the role I have played in too many of my recent interactions. I simply can’t help myself, it’s awful. If anyone mentions food, odds are you’ll hear me respond “I wish I could eat that. I remember when I could eat that. Must be nice to eat that”. And then I feel even worse knowing I’ve made those around me feel worse. It’s a sucky cycle. Is any vegan, gluten-free, non-processed, soulless restaurant able to cater to this pity party of one? No? Anyone? Don’t worry, I get it.

An accurate picture of my every day recently

 I honestly don’t think I’ve ever wanted a sandwich as badly as I do now. Particularly, from All About The Bread, on Melrose. My build-your-own- sub quickly became the best adventure my taste buds had ever been on. As a foodie, it truly was kismet. If I could die eating only one thing, it would be this sandwich. Ironically, eating this sandwich right now would probably kill me. I dream about this sandwich… I swear sometimes I can even taste it. Have I entered the threshold of food hallucination? That’s a new low. I jokingly told my dad the other night that I felt like the kids licking the wallpaper in Willy Wonka. Desperate for any faux-taste

“I taste a margarita pizza!!”

 So the day if you are what you eat… it’s not looking too great for me. I really just want my sandwich. Oh well. Life must go on.